【維吉爾傳-II】《維吉爾，一位窮賤但想讀醫的人》: 命運的咽喉(上)

星期日
 
一個多星期的春節假期就這樣就來到了最後一天。回到教會，我獨自坐在最後排， Catherine是邀請和鼓勵我出席的那位，但她自己卻沒了蹤影。
 
聚會結束後，一群詩歌班的老班員開始圍在禮堂的琴前，一位阿姨在彈著琴。奇怪，我並沒有收到任何通知說詩歌班要練習啊。
 
一位阿姨走到我面前，說道：「啊對了Vergil，她們忘了通知你，我們看你最近比較忙，所以沒請你。暫時都不用了，你忙你的吧。」
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Phk5gFSUCI
 
……




 
我知道自己在上次表演時沒有及時出席，的確是很過份，但我已對大家一再道歉了，想不到你們竟是如此現實，對我如此絕情。
 
「Ok。」：我苦澀地答道。
 
好吧，無職一身輕，你們不需要我就算了。
 
我黯然地離開禮堂，衝到樓下文化廳，精通鋼琴的那位紫琴的相片還貼在壁佈板上，這是對這刻的我最大的諷刺。我頹然地坐在琴前，掀起琴鍵蓋看著這些黑白的琴鍵，一句話都說不出……
 
我維吉爾真是一無事處、成事不足，敗事有餘。中學進不了名校，戀愛中落得慘淡收場，申請大學失敗，琴也彈不好。可笑，我有幹過什麼是成功的嗎?




 
這時，一陣清甜的花香從我前方傳來，教我從心裡感到溫暖。這種溫暖的感覺能使我瞬間看到光明，好像有一把微小的細聲在耳邊告訴我：「不要灰心，不是你的錯。決定讓你就讀中文中學的人是你父親，戀愛中的你是位受害者，無法完成大學申請是因為別人刻意阻撓你，詩歌班的人決定不要你彈琴是她們的選擇。在你所遇到的所有挫折中，你自己本身並不是失敗的原因，所以不要怪責自己。」
 
我抬頭一看，發現來到琴前的是Catherine和一位肩上戴著黑色名牌，和善慈祥、滿頭白髮的老婦人。Cox夫婦三年前從美國來到香港定居，平常探訪教會在港澳各區的分部的成員，我中學時受他們的不少鼓勵。Brother Cox更是令我深受感動，他雖身患柏金遜症，但卻從來沒有忘記過我。
 
「Sister Cox!」雖然Catherine昨天已告訴了我她會來，但我看到這稀客出現，還是不禁感到驚訝。
 
「It’s been a while, Brother Vergil.」：Sister Cox微笑說
 
對啊，好久不見了。久別重逢，明明有千言萬語想跟老人家說，但這刻的我卻不知從哪說起。這段短短的時間內，我的人生發生了翻天覆地的改變，我自己也難以接受呢。




 
Sister Cox溫柔地問道：「We wouldn’t have known you were sitting alone sadly here if Catherine hadn’t brought me downstairs, young man. Anything bothers you?」
 
Catherine沒說半句話，只是瞪著自己那雙可愛的天使瞳，精靈地看著我。眼前的兩人一直以來都待我那麼好，我也沒有什麼不方便說，沒什麼好顧忌或防備的了。
 
「A lot…」我坦然道：「Actually, I’m not doing fine with anything in my life lately.」
 
Sister Cox懇切地問道：「If you don’t mind, do tell. I’m here to listen, Brother Vergil. Or is there anything I can help you with?」
 
有，當然有。我快被自身的疾病折磨得死了，以前在醫院當護士長的你有什麼意見可以給我嗎?
 
「Yes, can I ask you about some medical stuffs?」：我慚愧地問道
 
Sitser Cox答道：「Of course. Well go ahead, I don’t know if I could answer you but I’d tell you everything that I know. After all, I’m just a nurse. Brother Cox is the doctor.」
 




「I don’t know what’s wrong with my bladder, kidney or even my reproductive system. I really have difficulty in passing pee and poop. It’s been causing very much inconvenience in my life.」：我說
 
「So it’s like a constipation and waiting in starting your urination, am I correct?」：Sister Cox問道
 
我答道：「Yes, exactly. I do feel the urgency, but neither could I pass pee or poop.」
 
「How long have you been having these symptoms?」：Sister Cox問道
 
「A month and more.」：我答道
 
Sister Cox分析道：「There are many kinds of diseases that could cause the symptoms you just talked about. But of all your organs, the least likely one to go wrong is your kidney. You’re so young, you don’t drink, smoke or use drug. The chance of any disease happening in your kidney is extremely small. Do you need to have urination during your sleep for 3 times or more?」
 
我答道：「Oh, no. The problems that I have happen at day.」
 
Sister Cox點頭道：「That’s right. It sounds more like the symptoms are caused by problems in your bladder, colon, reproductive system or other organ malfunctions that we can’t see at the moment. We cannot come down to a conclusion without any urine test or ultrasound scan.」




 
Sister Cox續道：「Honestly, I don’t know much about men’s reproductive system. We don’t even know whether your constipation and difficulty in urinating are caused by the same disease yet. But Brother Cox will absolutely be able to help you with your urinary problem. He’s a famous doctor, a top urologist in Los Angeles. He might be teaching Sunday school somewhere but I’m sure he’ll be here soon.」
 
「Urologist?!」：我驚道
 
我一直以來只知道Brother Cox在患上柏金遜症之前是在美國當醫生的，但我並不知道他是專治哪一科的，他更從來沒說過他是當地的一位權威醫生啊!
 
「Urologist? He’s never told me!」：我說道
 
「Oh! Speak of the devil.」：Sister微笑著指著樓梯口。
 
一位穿著西裝，打著紅色領帶，肩上同樣掛著一個黑色名牌，手提著公文袋的白髮老翁面帶微笑地向我們走來。不認識他的人或許會看到他是一位手在顫抖的柏金遜老人，但我此刻眼中所看到的卻是光明和希望!
 
自從我患病的那一刻起，我便每天都活在無盡的困苦、憂慮、徬徨和恐懼之中，我甚至一度失去信心，覺得自己沒可能會有痊癒的一天……
 




Brother Cox走到來琴前，笑說：「Great…to…to see you, Vergil!」
 
看著Brother Cox走到來我跟前，開口跟我說話，感激和平安在我內心滿溢。我維吉爾中在一生人中，從未感受過這麼大的安全感!這是一種溫暖得無法形容的安全感。
 
然後Brother Cox看了看Catherine，卻喊不出她的名字。
 
Catherine楚楚可憐地看著Brother Cox，問道：「Brother Cox, do you remember me?」
 
「Hmm...」Brother Cox看著她，不好意思地說：「Sister, you... look familiar. I’m sor...ry. But I bet we…we are good friends!」
 
呵呵，學到東西了。下次有人向我打招呼而我又忘記了那個人是誰的時候，就可以用這句。
 
但我內心不禁為Brother Cox感到憂傷。我是位幸運兒才能被他記住，我不擔心自己不久後會被他忘記，因為這是自然程序。但我看著此刻臉上仍掛著幸福的Sister Cox......
 
會不會有一天，Brother Cox連自己的髮妻也認不出?




 
Catherine嬌嗔道：「I'm Catherine, Catherine...」
 
Sister Cox笑說：「Do you remember Catherine? We said she’s the loveliest young girl in TKO district.」
 
「Oh, Catherine!」Brother Cox說：「Yes...yes, I think we’ve met be...before.」
 
「Ok then, Doctor Cox, can you help Vergil out with some medical problems?」Sister Cox微笑著問道
 
「Sure thing, anything in my power, sir!」：Brother Cox說道
 
「So about a month ago, I started to have…」我把自己的病情原原本本地告訴Brother Cox。
 
Catherine和Sister Cox不知在何時已走開了，只剩下我和Brother Cox留在琴前。他全程細心地聆聽著，問的問題也十分深入細節，比我以往看過的醫生都更為專業。
 
「Have you brought the…the medicine that you’ve been taking?」：Brother Cox問道
 
「Yeah, I do.」我立即翻開自己的背包，把自己在服用的那幾包給我各種副作用的藥丸拿出來。
 
Brother Cox把藥放在琴面上研究，他看著其中一種藥丸，疑惑道：「This one’s for your prostate gland, usually used for treating a benign prostatic hyperplasia.」
 
對啊，女性沒有這器官，吃了這藥會有什麼後果不得而知，所以醫生在開藥時已特別叮囑我不能讓家中的女性誤服這藥。
 
「Hyperplasia?」：我不解地問道
 
Brother Cox解釋道：「Benign prostatic hyperpla…plasia is commonly known as “enlarged prostate”. A part…part of a man’s urethra is surrounded by the prostate gland, which means...means the urine must pass through the prostate when you urinate. The growing size of prostate causes es…escalating pressure on the urethra, it can lead to similar symptoms as yours.」
 
他續道：「Symptoms of different diseases can be similar. Having these symptons doesn’t make you a victim of enlarged pro…prostate! You have constipation, which has not much to do with a prostate disease. Did him run any test or ultrasound scan be…before diagnosing?」
 
「No, no test was run. He just asked my symptons and then gave me these tablets.」
 
Brother Cox拿起另外兩包藥丸，驚道：「No test being run? These are antibiotics! Did he really ask you to take these drugs without analyzing your urine?」
 
我點頭道：「That is the case.」
 
「Empirical! Ridiculous!」Brother Cox急道：「Ver…vergil, you need to stop doing that right now. It’s very dangerous for you to take these medicine without any exam or culture being taken.」
 
這樣回頭一想也對啊，那醫生並沒有為我做過任何尿液或糞便樣本的測試分析，就直接一些副作用如此強的藥給我吃，我自己居然也不作懷疑就照吃。醫生哪管得了我那麼多?!大概是他只要把貴的藥賣給我，他就賺了。
 
「I truly have no idea what to do, you have any advice?」：我問道
 
Brother Cox說道：「You need to run those tests in an official hopstial or med…medical center, you can’t just take some kind of pills that only re…releases the pressure on urethra for a bit, and then expect the problem will be completely solved, my friend.」
 
「I will stay here in Macau for a week, do you have anytime that…that we can go to the hospital together?」：Brother Cox問道
 
你肯陪我去醫院?!那是再好不過了!那越快越好啊!
 
「How about tomorrow? I don’t want to delay anymore.」：我說道
 
「No problem, sir!」：Brother Cox說道
 
「Thank you so much!」我無比感激地與他握手。
 
維吉爾，你或許進不了大學讀書，但起碼你還有得救，你還有時間。
 
翌日
 
Brother Cox這位來自洛衫磯的名醫難得肯留在澳門幾天，並陪我到醫院檢查，這是再好不過了。我請了一天病假，上午一早來到一所私家醫院預約，下午便輪到我接受檢查。
 
靜靜地坐在輪候大堂裡，我的心情複雜無比。想不到我年紀輕輕，十數分鐘後就要接受超聲波掃描、尿道鏡、腸鏡甚至是膀胱鏡等檢查，我還以為是這些事只會發生在中老年人身上呢。
 
「I’ve met thousands of patients in my life, I know...exactly how you feel.」：坐我隔壁的Brother Cox說。
 
我徬徨地問道：「Is it gonna hurt? Sticking some machines in my colon. 」
 
「Not at all,」Brother Cox答道：「If...if you think of something you love. Someone you love...love so much that you’re willing to go through anything to stay with her.」
 
「What if I don’t have one?」：我淡然道
 
Brother Cox用那震顫著的手指著我的心，笑說：「You’re not tell...telling the truth, you looked at the right side just now, sir! Yes, you do have this one girl, or two!」
 
唉，老醫生，老頑童，忘了那麼多東西，這些奇怪的東西卻偏偏沒忘記。
 
我苦笑道：「I’ll never be with her.」
 
Brother Cox聽後收起了自己的笑容，認真地說道：「I heard about your school app...application thing from uh Serine...no, Sabrine...」
 
知道我申請入學經過的人除了主教以外，應該只有兩個人，除了已乘飛機回台灣的那位外，就只有一位吧。
 
我模仿Sister Cox的語氣，問道：「The loveliest young girl from TKO district?」
 
Brother Cox說道：「Oh ya! Kate...Katy...」
 
「Catherine?」：我問道
 
「Oh yes, Catherine! She told me that your local church leader turned your...your application down and the deadline’s over now.」：Brother Cox說
 
我苦笑：「Yeah, no education, no girlfriend, no money.」
 
「No, is the admission for fall semester completely over now?」：Brother Cox問道
 
「There’s a deadlines for international applicants and a final deadline. I’m an international applicant so my chance is over.」：我答道
 
「Then it’s not over yet, there’s still a fi…final deadline for you to give a shot.」：Brother Cox說
 
「The final deadline is for local students, I’m screwed already.」：我苦澀地說道
 
Brother Cox認真地說道：「Which means the ad…admission isn’t over yet, then okay. I know the admission director guy of the church school. I’ll write him an e-mail and tell him that we still have some students from Ma…Macau who are trying hard to get in. Let’s see if he could have a look at your application if you can submit all things before the final deadline.」
 
什麼?!......
 
我愕然地看著Brother Cox，驚呆得說不出話。
 
真的嗎?!難道我還有機會入學?!明明限期過了我都有機會申請?
 
「Thank you so much!!!」：我感激地握著Brother Cox的手。
 
除了對Brother Cox感到滿滿的感激，Catherine那天真可愛的笑容也出現在我腦海中。要是沒有她告訴Brother Cox這件事的話，我也不會得到這機會!
 
這時，輪候大堂的廣播系統剛好叫到了我的名字。
 
Brother Cox拍了拍我的肩膀，鼓勵說：「Stay strong, my friend. If it really hurts, think about your loved ones and the pain will fade away. Get throught this, we…we talk about your admission after this!」
 
「I will!」：我堅強道
 
我一步一步地走進醫院的檢查區域......
 
或許我尚未遇到一位我真正深愛的得來，將來亦能與她永遠在一起的女孩。但我會為了她而鼓起勇氣，克服前路的一切挑戰和困難，使得我能有長久的生命去邂逅她，結識她和留在她身邊愛護她。
 
我提交了自己的尿液及糞便樣本供院方分析，并接受了超聲波掃描、膀胱內窺鏡和異常難忍的直腸內窺掃瞄檢查。當時那機器穿進直腸內的感覺讓我痛苦得全身都在震顫，她的臉孔隱約地浮現在我腦海中，我抓緊床單堅忍著，一聲不吭。