[信不信由你] 青少年經歷: 13
我:「小莉姐你再唔開始溫書真係無得食涼粉啦 仲唔死去溫書
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老母:「作死呀你
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我:「我當佢係男仔多過女仔
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老母:「小莉講野細細聲 人又瘦又白又靚 邊度似男仔呀
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小莉:「邊...邊度係喎 佢成日都係咁 你唔好話佢啦 我慣左
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我:「聽到未
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老母:「小莉唔好理佢 你快d溫書 我同老豆會細細聲睇電視 你去阿腳房溫書啦
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小莉塊面紅過關公屎忽loan
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我:「我諗住係廳溫喎
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老母:「你間房都有位架 成日亂咁放d野
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小莉:「我幫你囉
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我:「唔好亂放我d野
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小莉:「好啦」
跟住我同小莉就入房溫書啦
大家係咪覺得我好戇鳩呢
有個女仔入黎自己房都唔啪啪啪啪啪
但係肥影都無 小莉又點會有呢
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不過中間發生左少少甜野
呢一下係我第二次掂女仔
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因為第一次係肥西影...
佢坐左係書檯既右手邊 我坐係左手邊咁教佢
但係有題數佢真係戇鳩到電腦大爆炸
有條題目係大約問你直角既三分一左右 (我都唔係好記得 不過差唔多
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正常人都會係90/3=30度啦
佢個撚樣用量角器去度 我見佢好撚認真咁寫左個數字上去真係拍檯笑到仆晒街
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我一路笑一路講:「小莉 你真係戇鳩鳩聽天收
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佢:「乜..乜有錯咩
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我:「屌你畀你整到我眼水都出 出去飲杯水先
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點知一轉身個手"月爭"一野撞左落佢個波度
唔好問我咩feel 唔撚記得
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只係好似撞左落一舊肉度咁
小莉即係叫左聲出黎
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老母:「做咩事呀 阿腳頭先笑到咁 係咪佢又罵你呀
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我:「關我咩事 我唔小心整到佢咋嘛」
小莉:「無野呀 我畀佢嚇親咋嘛 佢一野整落黎好痛....」 (咪撚諗破處/啪啪/中出/抽插等等
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老母:「你正衰仔黎 人地女仔黎架 唔好成日粗手粗腳得唔得呀 小莉整親邊度呀 痛唔痛呀」
小莉:「唔..唔痛呀 不過畀佢嚇一嚇咋嘛... 阿腳你飲完水快d返黎溫書呀
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我:「得啦煩 叫人教仲咁多要求
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飲完水返房 小莉面紅到好似我房個郵筒仔咁 (儲錢果d)
我問佢係咪好熱 要既開大d窗咁
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佢:「你...你頭先整...整到我呀」
我:「唔好意思 咁得未
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佢:「我知你唔係特登 但係...你...」
我:「好撚煩 唔想聽 溫書
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佢:「又唔想聽
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我:「你話架 咪撚又要分開幾次
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佢:「得啦腳哥 快d教我啦」
跟住就無乜野發生鳥
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不過之後真係一口氣同我講晒 好撚勁
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我老母覺得小莉係一個好好好好好既女仔 就算而家都係 成撚日提佢
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反而我估唔到小莉咁瘦都有波就真 真係畀佢外表呃左
普通人覺得佢得a或者b 我估佢有大b或者細c都唔出奇
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最後佢溫到十一點幾我送埋佢走就無啦
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果晚唔小心掂到小莉之後我送佢返屋企大家都無提過呢件事
就算佢提我都唔會老尷 因為我唔小心又唔撚係特登
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反而我驚撞到佢痛多d 坐果d識轉既凳個力好大
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開考前幾日都係不停咁陪小莉溫書
間唔中肥影都有打黎既 不過都係嗲兩句就收線
比較有印象既係肥影同我講:「加油啦阿腳 其實你唔蠢既 教識小莉數學都好 起碼佢唔駛咁撚淆」
我:「又食撚錯野 平時都係講屌你仆街等等 今次叫我加油係咪叫我加油去仆街
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佢:「屌你 係咁啦 我都溫書啦 bye」
跟住就收左我線
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屌你果下淨係陪佢我自己都無乜溫過其他科 係佢休息果陣會教下我英文
考試期間唔講咁多啦 費事悶
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到考完晒試最尾一日
成班係咁諗去邊去邊玩
我都諗定左 就係叫晒成班粉腸返屋企換衫食飯打機
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因為最尾一科係禮堂考 考完小莉同肥影就行埋黎拍我張檯
肥影:「仆街去食野囉 考完試好舒服呀 無晒壓力
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我:「唔得
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小莉:「仲諗住考完請你食餐飯添
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講講下鎚仔行埋黎問肥影:「阿影小莉你地去唔去唱k呀 我地成班去唱k呀 一齊啦」
肥影個仆街真係好撚狗咁答:「你地去咁我唔去啦
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小莉:「咁...咁我都唔去啦... 唔好意思呀」
我:「你唔叫我既屌你
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鎚仔:「你肯定唔去啦 我買一百萬你去搵盒仔佢地打機
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我:「唔好意思無得賠畀你
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鎚仔:「咁你地下次再黎啦
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肥影:「下次都唔撚去 唔好煩我
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鎚仔個表情仲慘過打靶 似係無奈咁畀狼狗輪姦咁
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盒仔行埋黎同我講:「喂 陣間點半我果邊等喎 咪撚遲」
我:「遲到我爬過去機鋪都仲得呀」
小莉:「咁阿影我地去食野囉....」
肥影:「盒仔 佢今日唔得閒呀 禮拜六日再同你打過
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我:「大撚把時間呀唔得閒
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盒仔:「唉 怕撚左你地 去就去唔去就算啦
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跟住就好撚快咁行過去班友仔度集合
我:「屌 又點呀 小莉我陪你溫左咁多日書 肥影你可以放過我嘛
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肥影又整
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屌你真係....
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我:「唉 拿拿聲食完飯畀我打下機啦好無 唔撚想夜晚打完機返屋企咁撚慘呀 又凍又肚餓」
小莉:「好啦
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肥影:「屌 一早估到佢會心軟 去食好d囉」
我:「屌你咪食咁貴 我要留返d錢打機
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跟住我地去左Euro Go Go食
我去到見到野食其實都唔係好岩食 不過佢地要食無辦法
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我:「唉... 又貴又唔好食 食個意粉算啦 飲熱檸水啦」
肥影又串柒柒咁話:「死大陸西 食意粉邊有人飲熱檸水架 完全唔岩味 戇鳩鳩正渣兜
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我:「屌你咁都關事 唔好因為屌我而屌喎
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小莉:「不過真係唔岩味喎
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我:「咁你幫我叫熱朱古力啦 我坐左係度唔撚飲架啦
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小莉:「係啦大食懶
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肥影:「係廁所倒杯尿畀佢就得 小莉你唔好咁就佢啦....」
小莉:「順便咋嘛 無所謂啦
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阿影:「真係....
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跟住肥影個撚樣一野meet落黎
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食野果陣都係吹下水屌兩咀
跟住就食野準備返去啦
屌你點知肥影個撚樣又問我借電話
小莉:「條..條電話繩幾...幾好睇呀
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肥影:「一般啦 個柒頭揀埋d完全無花紋
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我:「咪又係普通繩一條
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跟住肥影就打電話啦
我
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死肥影竟然又亂打畀人
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肥影:「盒仔呀 阿腳佢話唔舒服唔黎啦 你地玩得開心d啦 我幫佢講句唔好意思 byebye
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我:「唔係呀 無呢回事 我而家走啦」
個臭西就cut左線
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肥影:「陪我地行一陣囉 女仔買野有男仔畀下意見都好呀
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我:「屌你ass啦 我而家返去啦
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跟住小莉又用好耐無出既寒冰掌捉住我
我
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我:「做乜撚呀 唔係唔知自己隻手凍冰冰捉人凍到痛掛 又點呀
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小莉:「諗住大家考完試輕鬆下囉
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我:「同你地行就真係無得輕鬆啦
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肥影:「你睇下鎚仔佢地約我地我望都無望佢呀屌
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我:「咁你約佢啦 你叫佢畀貨車撞兩下佢都制 我話既
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肥影:「挑 有撚用咩 我地約你咋嘛 佢畀飛機撞廿下都唔關我事
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屌你仲要笑到勁甜咁講 畀鎚仔見到真係...
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跟住畀佢地兩個一句一句咁就屈服左啦....
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諗返起覺得著校服行街去玩真係好正
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好似好近又好遠咁...
諗返起好似前幾日咁 但係自己已經出左黎做野
好似中秋要約人出黎食餐飯都難...
永遠都要睇下有無時間先....
不過有呢d回憶都好既 起碼識得珍惜同班契弟相處既時間
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同佢地行既野同之前差唔多 費事講咁多差唔多既野大家悶啦
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又係行行行 跟住我同小莉送肥影返屋企再同埋小莉返屋企跟住就返屋企打aoc
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跟住又返學
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今次我要同大家講既係歌唱比賽 其實係咪咁撚多人咁鍾意唱歌定純粹要型下
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有好撚多傻西真係日日走去唱k練歌 唔駛錢咩屌你
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不喜勿屌
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我同小莉不嬲都唔係好鍾意參加呢d活動
但係肥影就好撚鍾意
話乜撚人一世物一世乜撚都試
計我話 人一世物一世毒死為止就真
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入正題
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果期真係個個都參加super voice咁
由平時見到既熱朱古力呀 熱維他奶等等
全部變撚晒蜜糖水呀 枇杷露等等戇鳩野
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唯獨我仍然係熱維他奶
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小莉:「你地睇下 成班都好似好想參加咁喎」
我:「戇鳩鳩
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肥影:「死戇鳩仔講乜撚野 我都參加呀
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我同小莉
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果陣唔知佢係咁熱衷呢d活動 以為佢都係我同小莉果類人
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我:「點解要上去獻醜
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肥影:「獻乜醜
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小莉:「你唱歌咁勁 我覺得你贏梗
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我:「係囉 好撚勁喎影姐 可唔可以幫我簽個名
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肥影:「得呀
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我:「屌你
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跟住就睇佢填form啦
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無幾耐鎚仔同幾個男仔行埋黎我位
鎚仔:「阿影你一唔一齊唱合唱歌呀 (佢想唱果首我唔撚記得左
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肥影:「唔啦 你一定會累鳩我輸
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男仔a b c (係三個人) :「小莉你呢 唱唔唱歌呀」
小莉:「我...我唔唱架... 唔好意思呀」
我:「屌你班人做乜唔問下我既 同你地唱瘋猙乳瘋都得喎
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佢地:「你識唱歌咩
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屌你我真係唔識唱歌
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我:「玩下咋嘛 一齊啦
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佢地:「唔得
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我:「屌你又唔叫我支持
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佢地:「唔駛
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跟住佢地就散左開始上堂啦
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我:「肥影你唱乜歌」
肥影:「關你鳩事咩問問問
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我:「屌你咁撚串做乜
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小莉:「咁你話畀我知啦」
肥影:「你地到時咪知囉」
我:「懶神秘
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肥影:「咁你地到時咪知囉
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都唔知佢發乜撚姣 講果陣個死人樣到而家都記得
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差唔多挑選果期佢真係係咁飲蜜糖水
其實真係有效既咩
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我問小莉:「你做乜唔去唱既 肥影話人一世物一世乜撚都試喎」
小莉:「咁你呢
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我:「戇鳩 我都唔識唱歌同埋唔鍾意呢d活動
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小莉:「咁咪係囉 你覺得我好鍾意咩
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我:「你把雞仔聲唱可能唔好聽 你都係唔好參加啦
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小莉:「你估我想既咩.... 生到咁有乜辦法 我都想好似阿影咁把聲咁好聽
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我:「咪又係差唔多
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小莉:「唔知呀... 到時我地去睇下囉 佢一定入啦」
我:「但係我想返屋企打機喎
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小莉一野拍落黎 跟住講:「你真係好衰
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我:「又發乜撚癲
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我搵埋盒仔佢地睇
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因為多d人睇好似有氣氛d 同埋挑選果下都係得少少人睇
我同小莉盒仔佢地坐左係度睇 成班傻西好似super voice咁坐晒係度
小莉:「加油呀阿影
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我同盒仔佢地
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估唔到小莉都有咁撚熱情既一面 果下睇到佢同阿影真係好fd
小莉本身朋友唔多 黎黎去去都係得果幾個 不過同我同肥影熟左之後就有我地同盒仔佢地一齊玩
都幾好既 起碼開朗d
唱左幾個戇鳩仔之後就到阿影啦
班學生撚樣咁望到肥影眼甘甘
好似未見過女人咁
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我同盒仔講:「你睇下班撚樣望到肥影眼都唔眨 未撚見過女人咁
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盒仔:「關你鳩事咩
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小莉面紅mode:「幾..幾時有呀 我都唔覺」
跟住見佢即刻拎塊鏡出黎照下
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我:「佢可能望完你諗 屌你做乜有個人面青青得黎好得人驚既女人坐係度既 嚇撚死嚇撚死 其實佢係畀你嚇到走音
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小莉:「你死啦
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盒仔:「你唔好理佢啦 佢講野有邊句唔戇鳩 唔駛理佢」
我:「收皮啦你
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屌你點知大聲左畀人話:「同學靜少少 我地而家開始啦
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真係柒頭核爆
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跟住就全部人靜撚晒咁
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我果陣心諗 做乜d音樂咁撚熟既 係邊度聽過呢 真係好撚熟
應該係邊度聽過 奇怪....
等肥影開口唱果下我先知原來係上次係海旁聽果首
我覺得佢真係好鍾意首歌 比賽又揀佢 鈴聲又用佢 聽又要聽佢
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不過佢唱得幾好聽既 有d人天生真係唱歌 有d人天生係要坐係度聽歌
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佢唱完之後真係成班陷家產拍爛手掌鬼咁響 真係好戇鳩
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盒仔係咁用
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小莉就便秘mode咁問:「你...你無感覺咩....
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我:「有乜感覺
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盒仔:「小莉你問佢晒氣啦 坐下睇下人唱歌好過啦
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我:「屌你咩 我又得罪你
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盒仔個樣係
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完左肥影行埋黎問我地:「點呀 ok唔ok先
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我:「對手太弱 我出去你收得皮
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肥影:「咁你唔出戇鳩仔
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盒仔:「好好聽」
小莉:「我...我都覺得好好聽呀」
肥影:「多謝多謝
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我:「屌你入梗啦 你咁屈機」
肥影:「第一次讚我喎 多謝
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跟住我地就走左啦
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果次之後小莉好似成日都悶悶不樂咁
即係成撚日呢d
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都唔知佢搞乜
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話時話 我老母而家都仲好鍾意小莉
有陣時我同老母買下野撞到佢 我老母都對佢熱情到不得了
以前就成日叫佢上黎食飯
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不過小莉都少左好多上黎 可能怕我而家個女友嬲掛
再講下果陣我對中學同學既睇法先
其實我知有好多男仔想追佢兩個 周不時送下野呀 DT堂完左之後又特登用木整D無聊野咁
不過佢兩個真係成碌木咁完全無反應 見到都覺得佢地慘
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所以我果下成日畀人屌+打 (梗係玩果隻啦
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屌你 我梗係壽與天齊啦
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