[信不信由你] 青少年經歷: 11
肥影:「你係咪好凍呀 著返件衫先啦」
我:「晨早就要咁做啦屌 而家先畀....」
肥影:「你有賺啦仆街 我暖晒件衫先畀你著」
我:「食撚屎啦 你賺就真 你咁撚大隻我病左唔會惹到你 但係你病就一定惹到我

肥影:「男人老狗真係無撚用 行啦

跟住同佢又行返上次影完相返屋企果條路
我永遠一流鼻水同打乞痴就好撚難收

食藥都要等一陣先收到

肥影:「睇黎你真係好凍喎柒頭 見你咁好人就對你好少少啦」
跟住佢又圈住左我手臂

仲要懶醒咁同我講:「咁咪暖囉蠢人

我:「有鳩用咩


肥影:「咁我咪圈到你買野飲為止囉」
我:「是但你


肥影佢無出聲係度淫笑咁行 真係痴撚線

跟住我同佢行完去買就返屋企啦
返到去我地果邊之後
我既鼻水仲係好似開撚左掣咁 係咁流係咁流
買完熱飲我再買多幾包紙巾

去到屋企果邊都差唔多用完

我:「唉 見今日咁玩你我都唔好意思 送埋你返去啦豬西

佢:「咁好死 屌你咁即係無玩我就唔送啦」
我:「梗係啦

佢:「正廢柴 柴都可以燒下 你個仆街燒又唔得 劈又唔得 要黎做乜」
我:「講左十萬次唔好撚學我

佢:「行啦腳哥 我都好凍呀」
佢而家直情自動波圈我隻手






我同女朋友講同肥影既野 佢一開始既反應都話唔知阿影係有野果個真係蠢到嘔電
跟住就話:「不過算啦 我都領教過你腳哥既白痴野 有少少呷醋又覺得佢兩個好好好慘 鍾意左個低能仔」
咁我就問佢:「咁你呢


我:「返到啦 我拿拿聲返去食兩粒藥 你上去啦」
佢:「你記得食藥休息下 咪撚畀我見到你online搵人打機呀屌

我:「屌你關你鳩事咩

佢:「關我事呀


我:「得啦屌你 係咁啦」
佢:「你小心返去呀 byebye柒頭

我:「byebye豬西

跟住我就返屋企啦
我:「媽 你有無藥係度呀 係咁流鼻水」
媽:「又去邊黎呀 成日搞到病 自己摞苦黎辛」
我:「今日著唔夠衫呀

媽:「七百幾蚊買件褸都得啦 買件恤衫又薄又唔暖

我:「唔講啦好辛苦 拎藥出黎


媽:「拿 食完快d沖涼訓啦」
我:「得啦

跟住都係機都無打就攤係床度訓著左

最後病左兩日 抖到返學先
無記錯小莉中間都有搵我 但畀我推左 因為唔撚想好返少少又冷親

肥影個撚頭都有問我出唔出去 我話屌你 收撚皮 我病撚左 跟住cut撚左佢線

跟住就返學啦 呢個假期係最難忘既聖誕假 因為好玩之餘而家諗返係有咁多野發生過

咁就完左個假 真係唔捨得

返學個個都會問你「你呢個假期做過咩呀」或者「我去左邊度邊度喎」












返到去又係要畀佢兩個一左一右咁坐 鎚仔依舊向肥影獻殷勤
永遠都係請唔同品種口味出產地既零食
而肥影永遠都會拎黎請我同小莉食 仲要當住面請

其實咁又有乜撚野謂呢

最初我返學都係呆下呆下 點會咁快適應呀
日日訓到兩三點 而家要你六七點起身 真係屌那星 就結冰

所以我成日都係頭耷耷咁

成日都無乜野發生 印象特別深既係上最尾果堂英文堂 又係畀人魚肉既一堂

我已經成個人好似食左十香軟筋散咁坐係度
雙目無神似死魚 手腳冰冷如枯樹


miss真係好撚得人鍾意 好撚鍾意最尾一題叫我
轉英文version 錯唔好屌

miss:「Leg, the answer is what?」
me:「I ... I don't know

miss:「Why?

me:「Because I am stupid guy

miss:「You look so tired.... poor guy」
me:「Yes I am tired」
miss:「Okay

me:「O...Ok....」
果下肥影係笑到仆街 小莉就忍住笑 成班就望過黎恥笑
我就只有苦笑.....

落完去返黎成個人即刻醒晒

小莉就哄埋黎講:「阿腳你係咪好凍呢 我今鋪就暖粒粒啦 要唔要暖蛋呀」
我:「講真 小莉你真係好撚有進步 如果有熱維他奶就更加好

阿影:「其實柒頭你點解咁撚鍾意飲呢


小莉:「係喎 你都無講點解你咁鍾意飲

我:「屌你咁都要問

小莉:「一定唔止 快d講

我:「你好撚煩

阿影:「屌

我:「關你鳩事咩


小莉:「唔知你細個果下係咩樣呢」
阿影:「唔駛問都知係一條撚樣啦

我:「屌你收皮啦

跟住就響鐘落堂啦 屌你返去訓返夠本
等小莉幫我寫手冊果陣 小莉係拎佢果本出黎抄返落去
阿影又係度屌黎屌去

跟住到小莉收埋果陣 我見小莉佢放左我上次同佢影果張相係手冊入面

肥影見到即刻問小莉:「幾時影架你地

我:「上次完左party影囉 又有乜撚野意見」
小莉塊面紅到仆街

肥影就好似炆炆地咁坐係度
我估唔到小莉會將張相放係手冊入面
老老柒柒 唔怕畀人收手冊記缺點果陣知既咩

不過佢又唔會既 永遠只有我份

我:「肥影你做乜唔出聲坐係度 想幫校工掃地

肥影:「掃你老母呀仆街


我:「痴撚線 無啦啦又屌人 思覺失調

肥影:「你就痴撚線 走先 見到你就炆

跟住一支箭走左



我:「佢食乜撚野無啦啦咁炆

小莉:「死啦

我:「你屌佢黎咩

小莉:「你痴線啦... 講你都唔明 費事講」
我:「你兩個真係麻撚煩

小莉:「無呀你唔好問啦....

我:「咁返去啦 個柒頭好快無野 不過都唔知你地做乜鳩」
跟住我同佢就各自返屋企啦
我返到訓左好耐 訓到七八點 我仲記得果陣係做楚漢驕雄

做左陣功課同打左陣機肥影又打黎

我:「又點呀 唔撚夜都唔打黎」
佢:「你做乜影果張相都唔撚話我知呀仆街

我:「你又無問做乜要講

佢:「食屎啦你 又話對人無感覺又同人影即影即有

我:「咁果個人上次無布丁送呀嘛 佢話賠呢個畀我

佢:「你快撚d原原本本講清楚」
我:「你地走晒咪......」
請翻看前文

佢:「屌你老母 你食屎啦」
跟住就cut我線 戇鳩鳩

我打畀小莉問下佢知唔知咩事
小莉:「喂 你咁夜既

我:「無呀 頭先肥影打黎跟住又cut我線 真係痴撚線」
小莉:「你又講咩激嬲人黎呀

我:「佢咪又撚係問我地食糖水既野」
小莉:「你講晒畀佢聽

我:「係呀 佢問咪講囉

小莉:「蠢人 你真係....」
我:「同你食下糖水又關佢事

小莉:「唉 你真係好蠢呀 蠢得黎又...」
我:「又點呀屌你

小莉:「我唔講粗口架 唔似你

我:「功課搞掂晒未呀你 我英文好撚多都唔識做 你讀個答案畀我聽

小莉:「真係無你收

跟住佢讀左一大輪
我:「搞撚掂 好夜啦 你訓未呀」
佢:「溫下maths就訓啦

我:「溫乜鳩呀 早d訓好過啦

佢:「我都唔識...

我:「你唔識睇一億次就會識咩

佢:「唔得

我:「你唔撚訓我都要訓架 聽日我教你啦小莉 咁岩聽未呀

佢:「咁就差唔多 唔該你先 聽日見 bye

我:「係咁

其餘都無乜野發生啦
肥影無嬲小莉 佢係咁打鳩我同meet我

仲要折磨左好幾日佢先正常返少少 真係痴撚線

係果段考試時間我幾乎日日都教小莉maths

阿影佢自己就返屋企溫 話畀我教寧願果科收皮

佢真係好撚蠢 係一定要用同一個方法教佢 你轉另一個方法佢就會唔撚識

我諗個幾兩個禮拜都無乜野發生 應該係差唔多考試小莉佢驚到仆街
佢基本上日日我教完佢之後既時間都會去下圖書館 仲要特登搭車去

咁佢臨考試果排同我講:「阿腳 今日你可唔可以陪我去圖書館溫下書呀」
我:「點解

佢:「就黎考試啦嘛... 我好緊張

我:「有乜撚好緊張 又唔係會考

佢:「黎啦....我真係唔識呀....

我:「你有無報酬

佢:「你想要乜

我:「請食飯啦屌

佢:「殺你


咁我就同左佢去圖書館



我:「其實去第二度溫咪仲好 呢度咁撚靜又唔撚畀人講野

佢:「咁先專心呀傻仔」
我:「唉 你都幾撚怪 溫書都要講環境 係入腦你去機鋪都入腦啦

佢:「咁你係咪想去機鋪溫

我:「無錯

佢:「想死呀你


我:「又整呢d樣

佢:「好啦

我個人坐係圖書館就無乜野既 但係係圖書館溫書就真係有d野啦
又唔撚畀講野 唔講野點教人呀屌你




小莉:「呢...呢題咁深既

我:「睇過有幾深


小莉:「背完佢唔出咁點算喎....」
我:「你間撚左條線係呢度先得架嘛 咁d角咪出晒黎囉戇鳩

小莉:「又罵我....

我:「又雞仔聲

小莉:「你好衰呀... 成日都咁話人 我....

我:「唉 怕撚左你 我去廁所行下

小莉又好似小學雞咁擰轉面 但係今鋪係斜過斜塔
我返到黎 見佢渣住把間尺腌鳩咁間

我:「小莉 其實你頭先明唔明我講乜

佢唔出聲
我見佢唔出聲就把撚火擦晒佢d鳩線
佢:「你做咩呀...

我:「唉 見到你咁就係炆 你認真豎撚高隻耳聽多次

佢:「你成日都係咁 教人咪教人囉 又要咁惡....」
我:「你聽唔聽 唔聽我去打兩鋪機

佢:「聽啦 唔該你喎腳哥

跟住又係一輪雞同鴨講






佢:「原來係咁 我做左成晚都唔識呀」
我:「咁你真係涼粉都無份食啦屌 就黎考試

佢:「咁點算呀

我:「唔通睇住你含撚咩


佢:「邊有咁多錢

我:「咁請呢幾日啦豬西

佢:「又亂講野

我:「你就溫唔晒 我去張家界

佢:「死無聊友 快d溫啦

跟住佢又甜笑 真係怕撚左佢
未見過有人蠢到呢個地步
果幾日無論係學校定課後時間都係陪小莉溫數學

屌你其實我自己都係入門級 竟然去教人真係....

不過話就咁話 我數學係班上面都算中上級

教張白紙都唔難

相反阿影呢幾日都係自己溫 好撚沉默咁

不過佢咁撚醒 成績又好過我 幾撚時輪到我教佢


反而有個禮拜六定日 (唔係好記得

佢:「喂 柒頭 你今日係咪同小莉出去溫書呀」
我:「係咁又點撚樣

佢:「想同你地一齊出去溫咋嘛

我:「咪玩啦屌你 你超班馬 我同佢呢d屌你驢仔黎架咋....」
佢:「咁咪岩囉戇鳩仔 等我黎教你地兩隻驢仔

我:「是但你 不如你教佢 我出去打機

佢:「你試下唔去我返學一定屌撚死你

我:「痴撚線 迫人畀你教 你真係好撚寂寞

佢:「屌 戇鳩鳩 陣間先啦」
跟住佢又係好撚戇鳩咁一齊溫書


小莉:「阿影你咁好既 明知我咁蠢都黎教我

阿影:「咁又唔淨止你蠢既...

小莉:「唔好咁啦 我地考完試先啦」
我:「有乜撚要講到咁大件事

小莉:「無野呀

阿影:「聽到未呀 叫你個撚頭乖乖地坐係度呀

我:「講明先 我溫一陣一定會去輕鬆下 咪撚阻鳩我

佢兩個理都無撚理我就開始溫書


