[信不信由你] 青少年經歷: 8
我:「做乜無啦啦話佢慘
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佢:「xxx 我有野同你講」
我:「唉你好撚煩呀 都話唔駛多謝囉 一物換一物咋嘛」
佢塊面係好似條撚充血咁紅:「我...我其實...」
我:「又點呀口窒窒 好撚柒」
佢:「唉... 算啦無野啦」
我:「都話唔駛多謝囉 聖誕快樂
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佢:「你有陣真係好乞人憎
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我:「你笑撚住黎同我講咁即係點
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佢:「無野呀 你唔明就算啦 我知你會明既
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我:「做乜呢兩日你同肥影都咁撚煩
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佢:「你唔知就算啦... 何必要問」
我:「你唔肯講就算鳩數啦 走啦 bye」
佢笑得好甜咁講:「byebye 聖誕快樂」
我:「過左啦 快條春咩
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跟住我就返屋企鳥
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果陣我覺得佢都幾煩 點解成日又話人唔明又唔知 你唔講點會知呀屌你
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返到屋企
我老母問:「你做乜呢排成日出街架 唔駛用錢咩」
我:「無辦法啦媽 應承左人唔出好衰仔」
老母:「係咪之前果兩個女仔呀」
我:「係囉 煩到嘔
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老母:「有個就雞仔聲 有個就無咁雞仔聲 不過都仲算好聽」
我:「不過兩個都煩到仆街啦 我呢幾日都唔出去啦得未」
老母:「得啦 早d沖涼早d訓啦」
我:「ok 不過打陣機先
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老母:「你打到傻啦你」
之後果幾日都無出去 真係用左好撚多錢呀大佬
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期間佢地都有打電話黎既 問我出唔出 不過都係係屋企做毒撚睇cctvb卡通
中間有段印象深少少 不過無打出黎果d咁清晰
小莉:「你得唔得閒呀」
我:「做咩呀 睇緊tv咋嘛」
佢:「我條數唔識呀
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我:「唉 你個腦係咪裝番茄薯仔湯架...」
佢:「咁你呢
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我:「戇鳩 我裝紅豆沙咁你打黎係咪叫我畀碗你飲呀仆街
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佢:「又講粗口
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我:「唉 你真係 上堂果陣你係度做乜撚
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佢:「真係唔明呀 又怕問你會嘈到阿影...」
我:「怕乜撚 唔想嘈咪坐過第二邊囉
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佢:「你真係...
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我:「咪咁...之後再咁...再調返過黎除開佢咪得囉盲亨
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佢:「明啦明啦
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我:「有呀 盒仔約左我去食k buffet」
佢:「哦....」
我:「你去唔去 多人玩熱鬧d」
佢:「但係我同盒仔熟少少咋喎 好似唔係幾好」
我:「咁你仲識我架嘛柒頭 去唔去由得你 純粹問下」
佢:「你咁叫約我呀」
我:「都算既 差在未發邀請函 阿!!!!
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佢:「做咩呀
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我:「我好撚多中文hw未做呀 今鋪含得撚食涼粉啦 再唔做涼粉都無得食呀仆街」
佢:「乜你會驚咩 仲諗住聽日提你做」
我:「你知出名麻撚煩啦 做野呀係咁先 bye」
佢:「加油啦byebye
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我沖完涼準備訓果下 小莉又打黎
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唔知點解我身邊既人好撚奇怪 佢地朝早反而用sms 夜晚打電話
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屌你老味訓係地 快d跟佢返屋企
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我:「阿莉姐你係咪戇撚鳩鳩食賓周 咁撚夜打黎係咪叫我去痾尿呀屌
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佢:「一聽電話又成堆粗口
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我:「你幾時肯唔夜晚打黎我咪考慮改下囉
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佢:「我同你去食k buffet好無呀 反正我都好耐無去過唱k」
我:「是但你 但係你唔係話得盒仔一個識唔係幾好既咩」
佢:「咁有你呀嘛 不如食完野早d走好無呀」
我:「點解」
佢:「無...無呀 咁費事咁夜返去呀嘛」
我:「屌 早極都要十二點啦
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佢:「佢地會玩到幾點呀」
我:「唔知呀 到時你怕夜我同你返去先再搵返佢地囉麻煩友
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佢:「到時睇下點啦 你眼訓早d抖 byebye
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我:「聽日六點呀 唔好撚遲
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佢:「你先係呀 byebye」
跟住我就收左佢線
冬天個被竇最暖果一刻亦都係最眼訓既時候
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點知豬西影又打黎 係咪痴撚線架佢地
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就算而家我都會屌鳩佢地
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我:「你唔好出聲 畀我屌左你老母先 我準備訓覺 係咁 bye..」
佢:「你敢收線我就殺撚左你
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我:「屌你 又有乜撚廢話想講呀」
佢:「想問下你除夕有無人約咋嘛 睇你個柒頭朋友都唔多個 我約你啦
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我:「戇撚鳩
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佢:「佢地約你去邊呀仆街
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我:「食k buffet囉
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佢:「我又去
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我:「咁關我鳩事咩 唔撚想見到你
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佢:「屌你老豆 正大龜頭
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我:「
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佢:「屌你戇鳩仔
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我:「你係咪去呀柒頭 你去都好 可以陪下小莉無咁悶 反正你兩個都唔識盒仔佢地
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佢:「又唔見你叫小莉陪下我
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我:「屌 咁佢咁撚細膽 點夠薑同人講野呀屌你」
跟住個撚樣變聲
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佢:「屌你我都好撚細膽架」
我:「仆你個臭街你有面講我都無面聽
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佢:「屌 講你又唔撚信
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我:「係去就聽日六點啦 咪撚遲呀」
佢:「不如早少少出黎食飯囉 我無飯食」
我:「你係咪咁撚寂寞呀... 搵第二個啦屌」
佢:「係呀 你咪係棵樹囉柒頭 大樹好遮蔭」
我:「屌你 幾點呀」
佢:「一點啦」
我:「到時你call我啦屌 係咁」
佢:「成日罵鳩我 小心發惡夢呀」
我:「發夢見到你就真係惡夢啦屌你老母
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佢:「
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我:「係咁豬西」
去到中午肥影打黎
佢:「喂 你起身未呀 我好撚肚餓啦」
我:「你肚餓關我鳩事咩
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佢:「今日你要同我食飯呀仆街
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我:「咁早食把撚咩... 留返個肚等buffet先食啦 又唔駛蝕又飽」
佢:「屌你啦 我到果陣餓死啦 你快d起身諗下有乜好食」
我:「唉 你好撚麻煩 食個飯自己落樓下食咪得囉 咁撚大個人都要人陪陪陪
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佢:「屌你 唔係你應承我晨早食左啦仆街
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我:「得啦 牙齒當金駛 下面唔駛洗 而家洗面啦
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佢:「咁你盡快啦仆街
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洗面果下
我:「媽 我條毛巾係邊
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無撚人應
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再黎「媽 條毛巾係邊呀
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都係無人應
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痾完尿望一望 屌 原來出左去
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我記得佢收到好入 搵左好撚耐先搵到另外一條新既
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搞掂就打畀肥影
我:「喂 搞撚掂 食乜諗好未」
佢:「未呀 你諗好未呀」
我:「屌 咁你咁早起身做乜
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佢:「著衫囉 今日去食飯咪著得好睇d囉」
我:「屌 同小莉一鳩樣
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佢:「小莉幾時都咁靚架啦得未 我係肥影柒頭豬西呀嘛
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我果下笑到仆街 都唔知佢做乜鳩數晒d名出黎
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我:「咁你諗到食咩未呀 肥影柒頭豬西
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佢:「你諗啦 無心情食」
我:「茶餐廳
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佢:「是但你....」
我:「話時話 你做晒英文未」
佢:「做晒十世啦仆街
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我:「我用中文換你英文
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佢:「咁今餐就你架啦喎」
我:「咁我自己做啦屌
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佢:「仆街 係咪抄呀 係我就帶埋出黎啦」
我:「好呀唔該你靚影
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佢:「收撚皮啦 岩先幾分鐘前仲係豬西咋我」
我:「而家呢一秒係靚影 不過抄完之後唔係
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佢:「狗到仆街
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我:「不如鳩記茶餐廳囉 (唔撚記得個名
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佢:「我而家落黎啦」
我打畀肥西影
我:「喂 西影 你上黎食飯好無呀」
佢:「點解既
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我:「懶得落去同埋費事你拎d hw去玩
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佢:「你講白d啦仆街
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我:「其實你真係好撚了解我
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佢:「仲知你好撚白痴同戇鳩tim 食乜撚呀」
我:「xxx xxx (食乜就唔開啦 總之唔係火腩飯
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佢:「又係例牌 悶唔悶呀你
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我:「買你就買啦
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佢:「收10%運費
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我:「5%
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佢:「殺你 你屋企密碼幾多呀」
我:「1234」
佢:「得啦 佢包緊啦 我自己上黎啦」
我:「唔該
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呢次係第一次畀女仔上我屋企
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肥影狂按個門鐘
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果下如果畀隔離鄰舍見到真係柒到核子分裂+核聚變
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我:「做乜撚野呀 禁咁多下痴撚左線咩」
佢:「想快d入你屋企嘛柒頭」
我:「間屋好撚亂 睇住仆街」
佢:「睇你仆街好d
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我:「入黎啦仲講乜鳩
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可能我由肥影罵我果下開始我就當左佢係男人
就算之前掂到佢個波又好 捉住我都好 我都無當過佢係女人
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不過而家都係 我成日都問佢其實你下面係咪有條撚係度
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佢:「都無你講到咁撚亂 正正常常都住得下人既」
我:「得啦 唔好懶好口 我唔會畀多錢你 黎 呢度廿七蚊
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佢:「得啦煩西 成撚日係度計一蚊幾毫
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我:「數還數路還路 收返先講」
佢:「得啦柒頭 食野啦」
我:「其實等你都等到好撚肚餓
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我記得食完野之後同佢打左陣機 佢話想睇下我點解咁撚沉迷
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呢度係你地眼中應該係戇鳩既極致
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肥影:「你屋企好撚悶呀 打到我好眼訓」
我:「唔好話你廢 打左咁多場都贏唔到」
肥影:「贏到有飯開咩柒頭皮
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我:「唔知 淨係知你好撚麻煩 真係眼訓你又唔怕生野既就訓住我房先 不過要除褸 你件褸一定好撚污糟」
唔記得講佢今日既衣著 佢今日唔知做乜撚扮女人
學人著連身裙+黑絲+長褸
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不過屌還屌 佢今日係幾撚正
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佢:「是撚但啦 你個枕頭袋乾唔乾淨架 唔好撚訓到我生粒粒呀
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我:「咁你訓地下啦仆街
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佢:「屌 豪一次畀你 咁你訓邊呀」
我:「唔撚係梳化仲可以訓邊呀
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佢即時面都紅埋
佢:「你都傻傻地 但係睇你個仆街應該唔會亂黎 我無所謂
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我:「你肯我都唔制啦仆街 咪想玩鳩我
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佢:「你真係戇撚鳩 個腦究竟諗乜鳩架你 我都已經....」
我:「你收皮啦 你平時仲玩我玩唔夠咩 唔會畀你陰到
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佢:「唉...你真係...」
我:「煩撚完我出去訓 係咁
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跟住我就出左去訓
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肥影其實個人都唔錯 雖然岩岩識果下唔明做乜我好似殺佢全家再姦埋佢老母條屍咁
成日屌屌屌 日屌夜屌日夜屌
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識落就會覺得佢係一個幾好既朋友 幾有義氣
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不過佢幾年前上黎搵我呢單野真係記一世
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入正題
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佢:「喂 你會唔會凍呀」
我:「凍都無辦法
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佢又小莉上身 口窒窒好撚柒咁:「所..所以咪...」
下面呢幾句係重點
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我:「知你講乜啦仆街」
佢:「你真係知
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我:「梗係知啦屌你 閂細個窗呀嘛 駛人唔撚駛本」
佢即時
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佢:「你個仆街 無啦啦閂個窗乜撚野事呀 你係咪痴撚左線定真係戇鳩架」
我
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我:「都唔知你無啦啦發乜撚野癲就真 好地地想叫我幫你閂窗咪講囉 而家又撚係度發脾氣
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佢:「屌 頂你唔撚順呀 快d死出去呀
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我:「屌你間房我架肥影
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佢:「唔撚理你呀 快d同我出去呀
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我:「屌你 出咪出囉 發乜鳩野癲
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跟住我就出左廳訓梳化啦
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佢:「你真係諗住走架
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我:「你都戇撚鳩 無啦啦畀你屌仲唔走咩 我驚忍唔住斬撚死你呀仆街西影
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佢:「點會無啦啦...
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我:「你整呢d樣都無撚用呀 都唔知你做乜鳩 我都眼訓啦 有乜就出黎叫我」
佢:「屌你 快d死出去呀
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我:「真係柒到hihi兼低智 (摘自給愛麗絲----巴士阿叔版)」
果陣我好撚鍾意聽
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咁我就出去廳諗住打下aoc跟住都訓返陣啦
無啦啦聽見佢係撚咁打乞痴
我:「屌你咪撚噴d口水落我張被度呀
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佢:「好撚凍呀 你間房就真係停屍間啦」
我:「屌你老母呀 你而家咪又撚訓係停屍間
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佢:「唔係講笑 真係好撚凍
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我:「有無人話你真係好撚麻煩 我咁虛訓落去都唔覺話好凍 而家你又嗌凍
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佢:「唔畀人凍既咩仆街」
我:「訓入d啦 我鋪d衫係度咪無咁凍囉醒目仔
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屌你 果次真係整撚左我一大輪 將我d衫整晒出黎都凍 最後我都係屈服用佢件褸+我件褸畀佢當被
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佢老味我唔信佢件褸咁撚暖啦
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佢:「其實你都幾細心喎柒頭」
我:「費撚事你係度散播病菌落我張床度咋豬西 訓你訓就啦 再唔訓你等多陣出得去添呀」
佢:「你個柒頭都整好晒囉 點會唔訓 你陣間叫醒我啦」
我:「得啦煩西 凍就縮撚埋自己做一舊就唔凍啦」
佢:「得啦
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跟住我整整下係梳化都訓著左 用左兩張被都覺得凍
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叫醒佢果下其實都幾震撼 因為佢訓覺個樣真係幾靚
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果下較左alarm 五點九起身
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入去叫佢果下真係難以想像平時佢會咁巴渣
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我入去大大聲叫醒佢
「喂 死肥影 五點九啦 快d起身起身起身....」
個撚樣都係當我透明
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我:「仆街起身未呀
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佢:「好撚煩呀你 嘈撚完未呀」
我:「我唔覺張床有咁撚舒服喎
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佢果下睜大眼 望下我 跟住就用枕頭掉鳩我
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我:「乜撚野呀屌你老母 痴撚左線定夢遊呀」
佢:「快撚d死出去呀 邊有人睇女仔岩岩起身個樣架」
我:「你有咩撚樣未見過呀
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佢:「你死出去先啦仆街 等我整下先」
我:「整整整 整乜鳩呀 快撚d起身呀」
佢:「你都係岩岩起身
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我:「屌 訓左陣啦」
佢:「你有無入黎偷睇我
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我:「睇你個柒頭流口水咩
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佢:「你真係痴撚線架 入黎偷睇人訓覺」
我:「屌你老母頭先邊個係咁打乞痴呀 諗住睇下你凍唔凍咋仆街」