She's out of my life (真人真事!): 11
大概中午啦,erica 就打電話叫我上得去
我記得我地係又一間叫完個外賣食完又係間房到hea,
老實講我唔太記得做過d咩,講過d咩,所以呢part略去啦
不過我好記得佢成日都好唔開心,成日開口埋口都會講唔知paco做緊咩之類ge說話
咁我就每次都係咁tum番佢開心,但係今日我終於有d覺悟話我知
我係時候退出了,應該放手
難聽d講句,一早預左佢去外國讀書就會完,咁不如襯呢個機會完左佢
我記得到夜晚點幾左右啦,我終於開聲同佢講
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好矛盾,縱使你無左佢,你都唔會留意身邊仲有我......
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你知唔知你同paco傾電話又喊晒果時我個心有幾痛,你知唔知就算你依家無男朋友,我都唔可以追你
係咩感受
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我真心想係果日支持你,幫你,但無奈我又唔可以現身去支持你,我一樣好內疚
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頂,竟然喊起上黎,我已經開始心軟,我最怕睇到女仔喊,河況係我所愛ge人
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然後我就fing開佢,自己打算開門走
係呢個時候佢成個彈起身,禁實道門,然後攬實我
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就係咁,我又心軟左一次,但我點都估唔到...聽日發生ge事會影響我一生.......
6月28日
呢一日我好早就起左身,因為星期日,佢工人會黎汁屋,所以點都收唔埋我
果陣我仲味落床,就係耳邊同佢講
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就係咁我就番去勒,番到去之後,我臨訓之前就sd左個msg比佢:
"希望訓醒之後會收到你個甜密ge morning call啦
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我好記得我訓都唔夠半個鐘,我收到erica ge msg:
"不如我地就咁算啦,你以後都唔好再搵我勒,我唔想再見到你同理你,我想自己一個人,仲有你
千其唔好搵我,我係唔會理你同聽你電話,係咁啦"
WHAT THE Fu CK!
做乜鳩?琴晚先求完我唔好走,今朝都仲好地地,搞乜鳩會變成咁......你叫我如何反應是好
我好記得我一見到個msg,乜都無理就即刻打比佢
果然,一黎就cut我電話,我果下真係人都顛,我當然唔會就咁放棄,
不斷打不斷打,結果我足足打左四十幾次,由開頭cut我電話,去到中間無人聽,最後幾次就開次cut番我電話
我開始冷靜唔到落黎,就算訓都無訓過,我都即刻起身洗個頭又即刻出門口打算去搵佢
但我點打都無人聽,就唯有sd個msg比佢講我依家出門口一定要搵到佢,
結果佢就sd左個msg比我阿妹
"你阿哥冷靜唔到落黎,唔該你睇實佢,唔好比佢亂做野"
我阿妹一見到個msg就即刻打比我問我咩事,然後我將所有野話晒佢知,佢就幫我sd左個msg比erica
"我唔知你地發生咩事,但唔該你唔好一下子就將所有野推晒比我,如果我阿哥出咩事我唔會放過你"
果然erica比我阿妹嚇一嚇之後就打番比我
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之後佢又cut左我線,係呢個時候我真係嬲到噴火,點解可以比人當垃圾咁拋黎拋去...
然後我就打番比阿妹呻下講下,係呢個時候paco打過黎
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你果幾日就鬆啦,乜都唔洗理,我就日日陪住佢,睇住佢,你又有乜野好講
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然後佢就cut左我線,我果下真係嬲到塊面都出晒煙咁濟,即刻想打比erica講,結果佢通話中
咁我就打比我阿妹.結果佢同我講話erica打比佢,叫我阿妹睇實我
咁我同我阿妹講岩先paco打黎講過ge野,佢都好嬲,叫我打多次比erica
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話
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係呢個時候我真係嬲到唔知點形容 我心狂怒?
我一怒之下,就sd左個msg比佢
"我為左你放棄晒家人,朋友,學業.......但到頭來你咁樣對我,你知唔知身邊無晒人係咩感受,你依家真係搞
到我嬲到想殺晒所有人,你點先會明白我為你放棄晒所有野果種感覺.你咁唔想人知我地關係,我就公開晒
所有你d相上facebook等人睇到你"
(係呢個時候我想補充少少,我平時一嬲起黎就會講下笑話,要一把火燒左個馬灣阿,一野打爆條青馬橋,
有時仲話要食左佢隻狗coco,而我講果d相,只不過係我係fb入面其中一個隱藏左ge相薄.入面全部都係我
同erica d生活照,我打算公開佢+tag佢,等佢d fd知道我ge存在,雖然唔知為乜,可能真係做得忍者多,想
同全世界人講我ge存在)
erica收到無耐就打過黎
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到底你邊句真邊句假,你知唔知我好心痛,由你唔識講大話,講開始教你講大話保護下自己,結果你學成
晒所有野.但竟然係調番轉頭黎呃我玩我.你覺得我會唔會真係咁蠢,你呢幾個月講果d大話我全部都知,
只不過係我忍,因為我愛你,我覺得只要你開心就夠,但我萬估唔到自已會有呢d下場
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然後我就cut左佢線,雖然我口話唔去,但最尾聽佢講話會去葵芳,咁我又好想同佢傾下
最後都係死死氣去左葵芳........
係去ge途中,erica完全無打過比我
果刻比我ge感覺係佢好似講下就算,完全唔上心
有乜理由我嬲成咁,傾傾下cut埋線,佢竟然可以完全唔理我唔搵我
我諗我塊面應該係一直黑,黑住咁塔地錢去到葵芳
果陣時我一直係到諗到底又搞乜,而且paco果幾句說話真係令我嬲到跳舞
果陣都已經點幾鐘,erica果邊又完全無晒聲氣,又話咩會黎葵芳又點,結果都係唔見左人又諗唔到有邊好去,
就去平時星期日成日去果間陽光網吧到hea下先
(開頭去佢果邊住係無星期日番屋企呢個習慣,所以一到星期日我就會去果邊打機hea住等佢屋企ready
再番去)
咁上到去,我就實無心情打機架勒,咁就on99咁上下facebook,一上facebook就諗緊
會唔會paco係inbox sd左d咩野比erica,搞到佢變得咁快
咁我就login erica個facebook,一睇之下又無乜特別野,不過我一諗起佢之前無啦啦
同paco轉做交往中我就真係愈諗愈嬲,一怒之下就做埋d小學雞野
將自己同佢轉做交往中,你地想笑就笑啦
但我想你地去體諒下,比人收埋左成年咁濟,又比人呃黎呃去,到頭來好似乜都無一樣
果種心情係幾想話比人知自己同過佢一齊,唔理後果點都好,真係好想知人有CKF呢個人ge存在
好勒,我轉左勒
咁又點?即刻覺得自己真係完全無撚用,比人咁呃完玩完,都仲想話比人知自己同過佢一齊
(順便一提,唔知幾多user記得我之前貼過張貼紙相,果陣我地都好鐘意果張相
得無可奈可就一定唔可以用成張黎做profile picture,所以就搵其中一張合照
中間cut左佢,一人用一邊)
又諗起自己以前,要風得風,要雨得雨,永遠得我飛人,都無試過失戀咁濟
搞乜鳩今時今日會落得如此下場,同家人關係差,同朋友疏遠晒,學業就一pat屎咁
依家仲要做埋d白痴野去自high,好心up,愈諗愈灰,就係咁
我決定做傻事,一死以謝天華
點解我會咁諗?我想用一死,去換取erica ge關注,我想佢一世都記得我,我想佢知我到底有幾難受
果陣真係完全無諗過家人朋友會點諗,但都諗過下後果
我諗我阿媽會喊充幾個月,阿爸會無晒心機,阿妹就實會喊到收唔到聲,2家人會變仇人咁濟
話就話同朋友遠左,但其實我係學校都叫幾出位,應該會有好多朋友喊到收唔到聲
一定會成堆老師好傷心+估唔到,不過點諗都好,我都無卻步ge念頭..
但係做之前,我最唔放心竟然係erica,我怕我死左之後,佢會好大打擊,會唔食野(佢最鐘意唔開心就唔食野)
所以就用佢facebook,去搵佢其中一個男性ge好朋友(因為我平時係佢到有見佢同咩人msn開,所以都知邊
個fd),一諗之下就搵左阿H
阿H=
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幫ge就係,睇住erica,唔好比佢唔食野,唔好比佢自暴自棄,最好可以幫下口,用盡所有辨法等
paco回心轉意,咁我就走得安安樂樂
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就係咁,我就好撚型咁玩左1個鐘1個字,去收銀果邊比2個鐘錢就走左去
咁係離開左網吧之後,我個人都叫冷靜左落黎
我冷靜ge意思係我已經無再嬲erica或者paco,但尋死ge念頭依然係度
總唔能夠就咁去得不明不白,至少都同erica講清楚先,所以我決定打電話比佢
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有方法去令自己忘記你
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呢個朋友黎引下paco注意啦(大話都幫佢諗埋)
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係呢個時候paco突然搶左個電話黎聽
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又講咁多大話,你地2個唔係都係基督徒黎ge咩?搞乜鳩會咁,講無數咁多個大話去玩我.你地好邪惡
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然後佢就cut左我線,果時我係度諗,老實講我都講到要去死咁款,做乜一樣好似無料到咁
一個sms仔就去報警,不過算啦,又唔會告得入我ge,我諗唔會搞到家人
點解我會愛上一個唔為我諗後果ge女仔,即係咁,我覺得自己已經失敗到無得再失敗
所以計劃照樣進行,只係諗緊邊到少人d,而且要點做好
首先講地點,我就算開心唔開心,我都唔知點解好鐘意去東灘果邊自己坐
點解?可能真係太深刻,你地明唔明,邊攬住一個自己最愛ge女仔,邊一齊望住好靚ge青馬橋夜境
係有幾浪漫,係有幾難望,呢個時候個腦一段段畫面不段load出黎,睇夜境,偷食佢個三文魚手卷,錫錫,
抽水......咩都諗下.....最後都係忍唔住自己坐左係天橋到喊(葵芳人可能會知,新都會後面過運動場果條橋)
然後就諗到底點死好,其實我之前上網搵過下
比我搵到個方法算係死得舒舒服服又簡單
我見到一個yahoo小智識講緊安眠藥自殺到底work唔work
結果見有好幾個人都話其實一個成人只要一次食12粒必利痛,連入急証ge機會都無
所以我決定買夠36粒,我就唔信36粒都死唔去
邊有可能就咁食得落,點都要買d野飲送住黎食
又醒起之前睇過下d文話飲酒會令藥效幾倍化,所以食完藥最好唔好飲酒,怕會出事
所以就諗住買埋酒上路
諗完之後,我就慢慢行去車站,等車入番馬灣做最後一站
入到去之後,我就去佢樓下,買左必利痛同酒,個阿姐仲同我有講有笑,
真係唔知好笑定好喊,佢串左我一句"今次唔見你買套勒?次次你都買架咼"
我即刻覆佢"無得買勒,掰掰"
然後我就慢步咁行去東灘,一路上,我不斷望住erica間房,唉,搞乜會變成咁
去到東灘,坐係度發左陣呆,決定都係打比erica,但已經唔通了,大概已經無電,
我自己電話都無晒電,竟然走之前都唔可以同身邊ge人講聲,好啦,我開始勒
屌,做乜鳩黎咁多次都唔見呢個海灘有求生員,今日竟然會有一個坐正我上面
會唔會比佢阻止架?,不過算啦,我諗佩唔會咁留意我
係呢個時候電話竟然響起
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唉我頂,又話銷案無事,搞乜鳩要自首咁大件事,仆街藥都開埋諗住放入口先打黎,都係死撚左去算
但一諗到派人上我屋企咁大件事,實嚇死我屋企人,都係去
咁我去到旺角警署之後,心諗都應該無乜事,
應該只係有d咩誤會,錄個口供講番清楚我諗就乜事都無
結果我比一個叫蔡國強ge仆街拉左入去問三問四,點解我要開全名?有幾仆街你地之後會知,唔該一齊咀咒佢
咁佢問咩我都就唔多記得,不過真係個個字都係粗口,
好啦佢問完,就話要沒收我電話黎做證物,果下心諗,今次仆街了,原來係黎真
算啦,我都做唔到咩反抗,安心上路啦,不過佢無啦啦又問我仲有部ipod係邊,
下?點解我有ipod佢都知?頂,原來係erica黎錄口供果陣話我會發放佢d閃卡上網
damn,我只不過係諗住將fb上面一個隱藏左ge生活相相薄公開番出黎,佢竟然以為係閃卡
好啦交比佢,咁佢就叫我等陣
係呢個時候我就聽到佢係到講
"哇,係幾得咼條女"
"真係有d波路,又白淨"
"估唔到呢條女黎果陣個樣咁純,原來咁open"
"呢個靚仔幾識食,我都想同佢黎番場"
我吊佢老母,我即訓拍台大大聲咁講"你睇夠味?你把口有無咁撚臭?"
佢大大聲覆番我"差人做野關你撚事?我依家就拎去同同事分享,你又吹得我脹咩?"
唉我頂,原來香港差人就係咁,你話平時hea,又唔撚做野等出糧我都唔理你
洗唔洗咁撚好品先?然後有個差婆就走黎同我講
"唉,你拎得上黎,都預左會咁"
下?乜原來咁正常架?可能我真係on99,一直覺得差人唔會係咁,係果刻我終於覺悟
我終於知點解d人咁憎差老,由果刻開始我都好撚唔中意差狗