Princess Catherine: The Master of Pranking
第一章---整人專家
Chapter 1: The Master of Pranking
大埔 某體育館Chapter 1: The Master of Pranking
Sports center, Somewhere in Tai Po.
「敬禮！」：一位身穿白袍，腰間綁著黑色帶子的師兄喊道。
“Bow! ” says the brother dressed in a white robe with a black belt on his waist.
一眾學員恭敬地向師父敬禮後，有些疲累地散去，有些則是留在場館中繼續踢著沙包。
The fellow apprentices bow to their master. Then some leave with their exhausted bodies, some stay practising kicks.
師父則是拿著一條黑色和紅色相間的帶子來到我面前，和藹地笑說：「阿銓，你條帶整好啦。」
Master comes to me, holding a belt with black and red stripes in his hand.Smiles kindly he says ”Vergil, your new belt is finished!”
我伸出雙手恭敬地接過這紅黑段帶，不捨道：「多謝梁Sir，我聽日要搬屋啦。」
I receive it two-handed respectfully. “Appreciate it Master Leung. Such a shame that I have to move tomorrow.”Sadly I say.
我叫何正銓，我從十二歲起學習跆拳道，起步的時間比其他小朋友晚得多，但經過不懈的努力，我還是通過考試取得了紅黑帶，現在離黑帶只剩一階了。梁Sir就是我的第一位跆拳道老師，我從白帶時起便向他求師；他同時亦是在教會中帶領我的青年領袖。
My name is Vergil Ho Cheng Chuen and I’ve been practicing taekwondo since I was 12. I started a bit later than most students but through my hard work, I’ve achieved my red and black belt today, which means there is only one step left for me to get my black belt. Master Leung is my first taekwondo teacher. He’s been teaching me since I was wearing a white belt. Also, he’s the youth leader who is in charge of taking care of me at church.
「唔洗多謝，你靠自己努力得黎既，」梁Sir嘆道：「咁你以後就去我琴日比你果個地址跟蘇Sir啦，佢好好人架。」
Master Leung replies “Save it Vergil.You deserve it.”and he continues “From tomorrow onwards, Master So will be your new coach. He’s a great guy. Don't forget the address I gave you yesterday.”
「唉，近得幾多吖？其實我起沙田返黎大埔上堂都係差唔多。」：我不以為然道
“Ugh. I’d rather come here to have lessons from Shatin.” I sigh.
「大埔？呢到大埔工業邨啊，你估市中心咩，」梁Sir說道：「何文田果個場交通便利好多架，重點係個場係起教會入面架，啲人多數都係教友，你會玩得埋啲啊嘛。如果我細個果陣教會有搞跆拳道班既話啊，我一定跟教會學，唔走出去啊。」
“Here? You mean Tai Po Industrial Estate? Here isn't downtown! ”Master Leung says, “Ho Man Tin is way more convenient. Not to mention the dojo is inside a chapel. You can get along better with the students there as they’re members of the church. If the church had Taekwondo Class when I was young, I would rather stick with it.”
……
依依不捨地跟梁Sir道別後，我便離開了這個我學習了四年跆拳道的地方。
After farewelling Master Leung, I leave where I’ve spent four years practicing Taekwondo.
除了運動以外，我畢生最大的興趣就是作弄人，自從有一天我看了周星馳的電影《整蠱專家》後，我便踏上了這條不歸路；被我作弄的人反應越大，我對下一次惡作劇的期望便越高。熟悉我的人都會稱我作「整人專家」。
Other than sports, my biggest hobby has become pranking since the day I watched the movie “Tricky Brian” by Steven Chow. The more serious the victims react, the higher the expectation I have for my next prank. People who know me well would simply call me “The Master of Pranking”.
我還有無數的作業沒完成啊，是時候回教會找朋友求助了。對了，梁Sir也提及過教會，那究竟我們的宗教信仰是什麼呢？呵呵，這該是一個所有香港人都聽閒過的宗教。
I still have a ton of homework to be finished. It’s time to go to church and seek help from my buddies. So, what is my religion? That should be well-known.
我家的宗教情況較為複雜，我的母親和弟弟是一所基督教會的成員，我自己是另一所基督教會的成員，父親則是一位堅決不相信西方宗教的無神論者，但他不會干涉我們的信仰自由。
Well, that's kind of complicated. My mother and my younger brother go to a different Christian church from mine. My father, as an atheist, he doesn't have any religion. But he never bothers our Freedom of Religion.
我的宗教之所以聞名，是因為我們派出去的傳教士十分引人注目。我自己亦因加入了這宗教而不時受人取笑，但我也習慣了，起碼我在這教會中的時光過得很開心，這就夠了。
The reason why our religion is well-known is because the missionaries we send out always draw attention in the public. As a member of this church, I’ve also been made fun of for many times. However, I don’t care about that. At least I’m having so much joy in this church everyday, that’s what really matters.
正正是因為我這不跟隨主流的決定，加入了這宗教，我才能成為世界上最幸運的三位男人之一。
Just because I didn't follow the mainstream, joining this religion had made me became one of the three luckiest men in the entire world.
夕陽的映照下，背著書包的我輕快地跑回教會在大埔的分部，兩位戴著黑色名牌，身穿西裝的男人正在吃著叉燒飯，其中一位是香港人，另一位是金髮的美國人。
The sun set on us. With a schoolbag at my back, I swiftly run back to the chapel in Tai Po. Two men in suits with name tags on them are eating their barbecued pork rice. One of them is a Hong Konger and the other one is a blonde American.
「咦，世美？」：長著香港人臉孔的那位對我打招呼。
“Hey, Sai Mei?” the Hong Konger one asks.
由於他姓陳，別人會禮貌地稱呼他「Elder Chan」，但我則喜歡稱呼他陳世美，而他因此亦稱呼我作世美以作反擊。
As his last name is “Chan”, people call him “Elder Chan”. I however, like to make fun of him and call him “Chan Sai Mei”. He would call me “Sai Mei” too as a return.
「Hey Ching」：我一邊笑著跟他打招呼，一邊伸手到自己外套的口袋中抽出我的玩具蟑螂，我人稱整蠱專家，我整個背包都是這些東西......
“Hey bro!” I greet with a smile while I am grabbing a toy cockroach from my pocket. As the “Master of Pranking”, my backpack is full of toys of that kind.
然後我看準方位，把那假蟑螂一下丟到他的手臂上！
I take my aim, then throw the fake roach right onto his arm!
「喂！」Elder Chan立即狼狽地把自己手上的假蟑螂甩開，整個人立即跳後了一步。
“Hey!!!” Elder Chan shakes the roach off and steps back as he’s frightened.
我和另邊的那位美國人則是捧腹大笑，兩秒後Elder Chan便意識到眼前的蟑螂只是件玩具。他不屑道：「咪玩呢啲啦！食緊飯啊世美！」
The American elder and I laugh out loudly. It takes a few seconds till Elder Chan finds out the roach is just a toy. “Dude! Stop doing that! I was eating!” says Elder Chan.
那美國人對我問道：「Wait, 『世美』係咩意思, my friend?」
“Wait, is there a meaning for “Sai Mei”, my friend? ”asks the American.
我答道：「『世美』describes who Elder Chan really is. That means a jerk who abandons girls and...」
I reply “Sai Mei” describes who Elder Chan really is. That means a jerk who abandons girls and…”
Elder Chan急道：「喂!佢咩都唔識真係會亂講架，你咪教佢啊!」
“Hey! He will really say these things out. Stop teaching him those offensive words!”Elder Chan quickly states.
那美國人指著Elder Chan說道：「世美? Sounds great!」
The American points at Elder Chan and says “Sai Mei? Sounds great!”
他笑問道：「What are the other things that I could say to hurt Elder Chan’s feelings?」
“What are the other things that I could say to hurt Elder Chan's feelings ?” He teases.
我笑答道：「『義弟』。Every morning you wake up, you call him『義弟』. Well, oh dude, you’re gonna build a wonderful friendship with Elder Chan!」
Elder Chan驚道：「你都真係根既!」
“You are nuts!” Elder Chan speaks shakily.
……
我平常放學後的時間便是這樣度過，跟傳教士們玩一下，有不懂得做的作業就向他們請教，今時今日，升中五的我的英文流利程度甚至已超過大部份大學生。他們人很好，一直把我當成自己人。在歡笑聲中，我得以完全掩蓋自己的寂寞。
That's how I spend my time after school everyday. Playing with the missionaries, asking them about homework. To this day, my English has become much more fluent than most Form 5 students. They are good people and they always treat me as one of them. Among the laughter, my loneliness could always be covered.
我的家很難說是一個家。我、母親和弟弟本來是同一所基督教會的成員，但兩年前我毅然地離開那裡，加入了現在的教會，我的弟弟對我這舉動十分不悅，他不太喜歡這宗教；況且他本來就已經生性孤僻，每天躲在房中畫畫，所以我離開那教會後，我和他之間的交流便得少上加少了。
My so called “family” is not so bonded. My mother, brother and I were from the same church. Until two years ago, I left and joined the church I am now in. My brother was mad at my act. As he didn't like this religion and he also was antisocial. Everyday he stucked at his room drawing all day long. The bond between us became weaker and weaker.
母親對我的決定沒有任何意見，因為……她根本不管我和弟弟，她每天出外打麻將打得天昏地暗。父親是家庭的經濟支柱，他的收入足夠維持整個家庭的開銷有餘，但經常隨公司東奔西跑，一個星期也沒有一兩天在家。
My mother had no opinion on my decision. As… she doesn't care my brother and I. She only cares about her daily mahjong game. Dad is the only breadwinner. Although he could easily support the whole family, he had to run around with his company. He couldn't even stay at home once or twice a week.
比起自己的家，其實我在教會中跟一群傳教士在一起玩時，我更感受到家的溫暖。
Compared to my so called “home”. I feel like more like home when I spend time together with the missionaries at the chapel.
兩位長老指導我完成了功課後，因有事要辦而匆匆離去了。時候不早，我也差不多要回家了。
The Elders leave for running an errand after helping me with the homework. It's time for me to go home too.
而正當我走到門廳時，一位比我年長幾年，外表溫文爾雅，長著淺棕色長髮，身穿長裙，肩上掛著一個黑色名牌的英國女孩正聊著電話，她的名牌上寫著「Sister Lavender」。
Just when I arrive the foyer, a girl few years older than me is talking on the phone. She’s in a long dress, with a long, brunette hair, gentle and elegant she is. The name tag on her shoulder is written “Sister Lavender ”.
「係啊，你上次Exam幾好啊嘛?」：Sister Lavender對電話說
“Oh, so you did pretty well last exam, right?” Sister Lavender says to the phone.
呵呵，傳教士們都是我的家人。所謂家人，就是無論你犯了什麼錯，怎樣傷透他們的心，都永遠不會離棄你的一群人。既然如此，我該要好好運用這特權，傷一下你的心了。
Haha, these missionaries are my family. Being together in a family, no matter what mistake you made or how you hurt them, they will always stand by you. Therefore, it’s time that I used my “privilege”.
我對Sister Lavender報以一個友善的微笑，聊著電話的她也微笑著對我點了點頭。然後，我繞到她的身後，從書包中拿出一條橡膠製的玩具蛇……
I looked at her with a friendly smile. She returned with a smile too. Then I walk around to her back, take out a rubber snake from my schoolbag...
「好吖Jenny，咁所以我地星期五晚見啦。嗯，bye-bye.」：Sister Lavender掛上了電話。
“Alright Jenny, so we will meet on Friday. Alright , bye-bye. ” She hangs up the phone.
就在她掛線的一刻，我把玩具蛇一下丟向她，技術成熟的我拋的力度適中，那蛇不偏不倚地落在Sister Lavender的肩膀上!
Right at the moment she hangs up, I throw the toy snake to her. Skilful me, the force is just right. The snake lands flawlessly on Sister Lavender’s shoulder.
「吖!!!」：Sister Lavender立即尖叫起來，她驚慌失措地撥開肩上的蛇並跳後好幾步；忙亂之中，她手上的Nokia電話「啪」一聲的地掉到地上。
“Ahhh!!!” Lavender screams loudly, sweeps the snake off and jumps back with huge scare. During the panic, she drops her Nokia cellphone on the ground.
過了幾秒後，非常害怕蛇的她才意識到這只是條玩具蛇，我看著她驚魂未定的樣子，完全無法忍笑。不過玩笑開大了，她這下好像是真的受到了極大的驚嚇。我蹲下來把那掉到我面前Nokia電話撿起來，雙手交給被嚇得花容失色的Sister Lavender以表誠意。
Few seconds after, Lavender who has great fear of snakes realizes that is just a toy. Looking at her frightened reaction, I couldn't help laughing. But it was a bit over. I kneel grabbing her cell phone and return it with both hands in order to show my sincerity.
Sister Lavender轉過身來，皺著眉看著我說：「Eww! It’s not funny, Vergil!」
Sister Lavender turns around, looks at me frowned “Eww! It's not funny, Vergil!”
Vergil是我的英文名，外國人通常都這樣稱呼我。
Vergil is my English name. That's how the foreigners call me.
Sister Lavender看了看地上的那條蛇，好像想把它沒收，但她猶豫了一下後說道：「You take care of that please, sir. You know last time? After you scared me with this snake, I took it from you so that you couldn’t use it on me anymore. But then, when I went home and opened my bag, I scared myself again!」
She looks at the snake on the ground. Seems like she wants to confiscate it, but she hesitates and tell me “You take care of that please, sir. You know last time? After you scared me with this snake, I took it from you so that you couldn’t use it on me anymore. But then, when I went home and opened my bag, I scared myself again!”
「哈哈!」：我除了取笑她以外都不知能有什麼反應了。
“Hahahaha!!” If not laughing at her, I don't know how I should react.
「Could you be a bit nicer to me? This is my last day in Tai Po. I’m moving to another area tomorrow.」：Sister Lavender有氣無力地說道
“Could you be a bit nicer to me? This is my last day in Tai Po. I’m moving to another area tomorrow.” Feebly she says.
傳教士們不會固定留在一個地方，教會會不時把他們調到不同支會，這些外國人往往有機會可以走遍港九新界。
The missionaries don't stay in the same area. Usually they are sent to different areas in Hong Kong.
我笑說伸出手來，說道：「Okay then I won’t have any chance to do that again. Since this is already over, let us not give up on our friendship just because of that little snake. You agree, Sister Lavender?」
I reach out my hand with a grin and say “Okay then I won’t have any chance to do that again. Since this is already over, let us not give up on our friendship just because of that little snake. You agree, Sister Lavender?”
「Okay…I trust you. Thank you and all the members in Tai Po.」：Sister Lavender心有餘悸地看著我，生硬地伸出手來與我作一個象徵「和平」的握手。
“Okay…I trust you. Thank you and all the members in Tai Po.” Sister Lavender says with fear still lingering in her eyes. We shake hands to show “peace ”.
不光是你要離開大埔這地方啊，明天我也要隨家人搬離這裡啊。
You are not the only one leaving Tai Po, so as I.
……